Elizabeth Swan


By Elizabeth Swan on

So this blog was supposed to be a diary of my kinky week Sunday through Sunday. It was possibly the best blog I had ever written. Six thousand words and one day left to write up... and I lost it. The entire blog. My computer froze and I couldn’t do a thing about it. I had to force a close down. And when I switched it back on... nothing. Not a sausage, or a dildo in sight. I suppose I should be glad that it was the programme that I was using and not my entire computer that was buggered. This is my second Mac. My first one broke after I set fire to it. Absolutely NOT my fault. I didn’t know the candle was so close...

So here are the highlights. My apologies to those people that I told would see themselves in detail in this blog. But rest assured all the very memorable sessions are firmly encased in my memory. And a few may even find themselves in my next book...

There was the culture trip to the Queen’s Gallery. If you have been there in the past you know what to expect. Before you reach the decadence and opulence of the glorious rooms there is security to pass through. You pop your bag on the conveyor belt and wait patiently for it at the other end. You wonder why the conveyor belt is multi coloured...and then see that all your condoms have spilt out and completely covered the belt...

Then there was the kinky party on a Sunday evening at a hotel with a delicious meal served by blushing waiters followed by the blushing bottoms in the playroom downstairs. In the last seven years I had been to a few events as Elizabeth Swan. I have been to one party where I couldn’t walk but a few steps without finding a small man hanging off my feet. Then there was the adult trade show where they were anti kink “our customers are into normal stuff” and lastly there was the large event where I helped a friend sell some of his kit. I had a man tied to a cross and then suddenly became aware that there were about twenty men dressed as police charging through. Then realised they WERE police. It turns out they were looking for (shhh) people having sex. Suffice it to say I had not enjoyed those three events so approached the hotel kink party with apprehension. Turns out though that it was marvellous fun. I am really looking forward to the next one.

Another day I had a very sexy threesome. So this gent had reached 60 and wanted to celebrate his birthday in style. His write up can be found here


It is a rare event for me to play with women (I am not counting my double domme activities) and so when I do I make the most of it. I love womens curves and although I generally identify as straight I must say I LOVE teasing a lady when she is helpless. And so enter Lilly.


The whole session flowed as good sessions should. One of my favourite moments was after he had put nipple clamps on a restrained Lilly I decided that she should have her own back. I tied him over her...and handed Lilly the E-stim remote. I put her thumb on the turbo pain setting and said she should press it whenever she wanted to. And she pressed it a lot. (Hey, I am ALWAYS going to take the womans side!)

I also went on a twenty four hour trip to a dungeon in Oxfordshire


Pictures of which can be found on my Twitter. This particular gent likes role-play and lots of pain with an equal dose of fun. So in the role-play he was an escort who worked for me. Unfortunately he had been letting all my lady customers down. He began with his usual excuses “I couldn’t get it up because Mildred is SO ugly” and “How was I to know I couldn’t get into the Dorchester wearing a shell suit?” and so I did what was needed. I placed him on a large wheel, attached a plastic bag to his genitals that was full of nettles...and then turned it....

Until next time perverts... X

Elizabeth Swan