Elizabeth Swan

Customer Service

By Elizabeth Swan on

Unlike some of my friends who have the most amazing work ethic when it comes to dealing with potential clients I am shocking. Dreadful. Awful. As soon as I see an email that irritates me in some way, or I get a text message with “are you available/what do you charge” I ignore ignore ignore. This will have cost me money over the years. I just have no patience. It began when I was seventeen when I was working at Etam and I threw a coat hanger at a rude customer; and has continued throughout my life. I find that being my own boss is the only way to ensure that I don’t get fired. I do have another job working in a theatre as an usher. It is only a matter of time before I get the boot from that job as well. Here is a typical example of my attitude... A couple couldn’t find their seats even though I had shown them their aisle. They came back and the man angrily shouted that I had sent them down the wrong aisle. I responded “You are in C which is the one there that says C. I am SO sorry if that is confusing for you.” See what I mean. I abuse sarcasm. A female Basil Fawlty. Don’t get me wrong. I am bloody lovely if you are a nice person, but if you are a cock then I’m a cunt. I found in all my minimum wage jobs that some people were always appallingly rude as they saw us as beneath them. One of my first jobs was working as a waitress in a restaurant. I was serving a family and as I was clearing their table the father turned to the daughter and said “this is why you have to work hard at school. So you don’t have to do a job like this.” If there is a God that man would now be in purgatory washing dishes for the rest of eternity. With a massive cactus up his arse. Shortly afterwards I switched to retail to begin my coat hanger throwing escapades. Due to sex work my financial circumstances have changed now and I work at a theatre because I enjoy it. I get to see all the plays and it inspires my writing. Those of you that have met me know how much I enjoy domination. But you see because of my lack of patience there is a ceiling of what I can earn as a domme so I am slowly undertaking other endeavours. I went to a property auction and won a house! Unfortunately Homes Under The Hammer were filming and asked me afterwards if I would like to be on their show. I said no. I don’t want to give any of my past clients a heart attack as they are eating their morning weetabix.

So what’s the point of this blog? (Believe me I just started wondering that myself). Well I suppose it is firstly to say thank you to the men that I do session with. That have had the patience to put up with me when I was between dungeons. That have seen the best of me (my personality, my sessions etc etc) and the worst of me (my personality, my sessions, banging on about class, illiberal liberals etc, etc). Also if you engage with my tweets, thank you. And if you do want to meet me (though you may not want to after reading this blog!) then a polite email addressed to me with no irritating questions would be great.

Have a good week X

Elizabeth Swan