Elizabeth Swan


By Elizabeth Swan on

Discretion is important for everyone involved in the adult industry. Both for the service provider (dominatrix, escort, chat line operator, stripper etc) and for the client. We need discretion as we all have lives on the outside. Families, friends and other jobs. I know it seems like I am stating the obvious, however look at this letter I received on Monday.


Your first question may be who is Javed and that I can't answer but I thought I would protect his surname just in case he is a real person. I have since found out that my information was sold to Pasante by the ETO show (an adult trade show http://www.etoshow.com/ that takes place at the NEC every year.) I attended last year with a friend who was thinking of setting up an online business. I gave my professional information to receive a ticket and my address so they could post it to me. I never imagined that because of my visit I would receive such a letter and get outted in my local area. Pasante have apologised but the damage is done. So I would urge the organisers of ETO to be more discreet with information as what they are doing has the potential to ruin lives. A Post Office Box is bad enough where all the staff may have seen the letter and had a laugh but imagine if a letter like this landed on the doormat of a shared house or a family home. Dominatrix won't be the only job title that was given at an adult show. “ Mummy what's a pornstar?” etc. I am lucky as my parents know and accept what I do. Upon being told, my mum, bless her, said “Well I would have liked for you to be a solicitor or a doctor but with your education it was bloody hopeless” (I 'achieved' the most GCSEs in my class. Four) But many of my colleagues are not so fortunate and they are forced to lie. And although my family are supportive I did lose friends along the way. Nasty comments from women I had known for years. I would be invited for lunch to have my job poked and prodded at with intrusive questions but these same friends would lose my address when it came to inviting me to parties attended by their brothers/husbands/fathers. (It's a bloody shame ETO didn't!) To give an example of a typical comment, about a year ago I was having lunch with a friend and we were talking about boys. I was doing the female thing of 'why hasn't he called/emailed/text/what-sapped?' about a guy that I liked who had seemed keen and then disappeared (and no, I hadn't shagged him) Then she hit me with the clanger “Does he know what you do?” WOW. So that must be why he disappeared! He found out my dreadful, awful secret! And this from a friend. Or taking the comment the other way I didn't realise that before a first date one had to disclose all information that may or may not be relevant further down the line IF you BOTH fall in love with each other. What got my goat in this particular instance was that the girl in question had been sleeping with her married boss. But that's okay isn't it? Because it isn't PAID work. There is no cash exchanging hands, just more overtime and champagne after hours. Give me a break. And if a woman who I had been close to could be so shortsighted and judgmental what chance have I got with people that don't know me. SO, discretion please people. For all the Fifty Shades bullshit out there the world is just not ready for us yet.

Elizabeth Swan

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