Do Nice Dommes Finish Last?
By Elizabeth Swan on
Do Nice Dommes Finish Last?
In the ten years of working as a dominatrix I feel like things have changed. The small niche world of BDSM has changed...and not for the better. There seem to be a lot more fin-doms, a lot more cat fishing, a lot more repulsive behavior of blackmailing subs. Coupled with covid and the cost of living crisis, people are of course struggling more. On both sides. Men who would see me four times a year now see me twice and I see desperate dommes on social media who are approaching guys, or pandering to guys who are just fishing for attention. I actually wanted to barf when I saw one woman post in response to a complaining sub that she had never met “but I would never ghost you!” Come on!!! Get some self respect! We are dommes, not doormats!
Then there are the sex workers who are attempting to shame other sex workers because of what they are doing in session. Or having a go about what they charge. Or just giving unsolicited lectures that newbies may listen to, but may regret in years to come. Telling women to improve their brand by being face out for example. That's great if you want to only do domination for your working life and you don't give a rats ass what your neighbours and family think. But what if, one day, you want to get another job?
So my unsolicited advice to newbies is to think everything through. Think of consequences before you act.
Now I have been accused of being nice over the years. And I have on occasion been too nice and some regulars have taken advantage. One example. So a sub I had known for six years was going through a nasty divorce and told me he was struggling financially. So I would see this man for an entire afternoon and charge him just an hour…only to find out that he was seeing another domme twice a month!!! More fool me. I told him that I wasn’t happy and he responded by calling me a fin dom. He was also my collared slave and he wore a beautiful leather collar that I had purchased and inscribed for him… which I then saw in photos on the other domme’s Twitter! So he showed his true colours and I was glad to be rid of him. It toughened me a little and I took it as a learning experience.
But on the whole being nice has meant that I have forged some lovely, long standing sub/dom relationships with some thoroughly decent blokes. And my, the adventures I have had over the years!
And sometimes being nice has really paid off. One regular had had a bad year health wise and I took him for his birthday to a restaurant to get him out and cheer him up. Yes he had spent lots of money seeing me but I had not a single inkling of what would happen next.
The next day he put enough money into my bank account to buy a house.
So for me I won't change too much. Being nice with integrity and also having a vicious spanking hand is kind of my thing.
But every business has to adapt with the changes…otherwise we go extinct like Woolworths. One big change I did a few years ago was to take my telephone number off the internet. This was due to the many time wasting calls I was receiving. Every day at least five and no matter how many times I would block…back they would pop on a different number.
And now comes the next big change. Every day I have been going back and forth on email with men who have no intention of paying a deposit. The latest was a guy, let’s call him Josh. 13 emails in total and counting. He is still asking if he can book a session. These almost always start in the same way. “I’m new to this, please explain…etc” and I am polite at first because some men ARE new to this. Then three emails in, I send my bank details. Then begins the excuses “I’ll pay you tomorrow/next week…” and they continue asking questions. And by that point they have pissed me off so much that in the unlikely event they did pay a deposit...I would send their deposit back.
I don’t session with men who have annoyed me. What is the point? Don’t believe me? Ask the guy worth 50 million who is pretty high profile who I wouldn’t see because he wanted something I don’t offer…something he wanted to pay me 8K for. So I certainly have no problem ‘losing’ a couple of hundred from Josh the irritant.
And so, because my time is precious and I haven’t the patience to deal with irritants any more I require a deposit WITH THE FIRST EMAIL. £20 by either Amazon voucher or CashApp http://cash.app/£SERVEES
I know that some prospective clients will be put off by this but I am afraid that it is tough titty. If I don’t do it I will end up quitting the business entirely, and you don’t want that, do you?
As to my regulars I adore you guys but so many cancelations lately have meant that I will also be asking for a deposit for every session.
I love what I do but I also love getting paid justly for my time.
Over and Out
E X
Elizabeth Swan