When It Goes Wrong
By Elizabeth Swan on
So occasionally I have a bad session. There, I have said it. May all potential new slaves go running towards the whip of another Domme. To be honest I have never been the best businesswoman in this industry. I do mad things like saying “Ooo, you've given me too much money” or being honest, like the time I told a man there was a strange lump in his bum and that he needed to go to the doctor. After putting my hand/hands up so many mens bottoms I do know what feels normal up there and what doesn't. Suffice it to say I never saw him again. I completely understand why. He was embarrassed and a mans ego is a fragile thing. But what could I do? Wait for his email feedback and then respond with “I enjoyed it too, by the way I found a lump that you need to have checked out” No, no I couldn't do that. So back to when sessions go wrong. Wait! You thought the one I was just talking about was an example? Actually it wasn't. Not by a long shot. I am not talking about when there is one moment of awkwardness or clumsiness and then back to normal parameters. The “I am going to tie up your balls now” and the response “You'll have a job, I've only got one” moment. Or when I managed to fall off my own bed during a sexy tie and tease (cue exodus of more potential newbies) But these moments were but a blink in the eye. I am talking about when there is an absence of connection for the WHOLE session. The OH MY GOD IT'S ONLY BEEN TEN MINUTES. Now I will take some responsibility. A lot of information can be gleaned from an email. In the early days of my domming I wasn't so good at spotting the warning signs. So I probably had a bad session a month. Now I am down to perhaps two a year. And believe you and me that is two, too many. I’ll give you an example. I tell a man to get undressed and wait for me in an appropriate manner. I return and he's standing naked apart from his socks. I ask him why he is still wearing them and he says, “I don't know how dirty the floor is” Well isn't that a wonderful start to the session?! And this was not at my previous/previous dungeon (the car park for those that remember it with fond memories) this was my uber clean domestic flat. Then he starts to quiz me about how I am going to offer a sexual tie and tease session without offering sex. If I was a bigger person I would have told him to put his clothes back on and given him his money back (minus some for wasting my time) but I didn't. Because by then I was pissed off and thinking that he was either a copper trying to entrap me (they have to have a try/buy session before they raid if for example there has been a complaint made against the address) or a wanker who wanted to push my boundaries. Either way I proceeded to take him through probably the most painful tie and tease session I have ever conducted. I didn't enjoy it. I class myself as a sensual sadist and I want us both to get something out of the session. As in, I want to get turned on while I beat you (cue evil chuckle) Let’s call that type of client the boundary pusher. Then there is the exact opposite. The man who wants to be beaten until blood is hitting the ceiling and humiliated until they are crying. I haven't had one of these for a long time thank goodness. I don't like those sessions. Everything I do, I do with a sense of fun and I don't enjoy causing harm to someone who is probably in a lot of internal pain already. Then lastly is the type of client who has come to visit me just for the experience and is not really into BDSM. Arghhhh! So after testing them with a short session of tie and tease alongside a bit of pain I discover that they are telling the truth as their body has not responded one, tiny bit. So I fill the remaining time by taking them through my different implements explaining as I do so what each does before using/inserting/attaching etc all the time feeling like I am a rubber clad carnival creature doing a show and tell to a member of the vanilla public. These are just a few examples. I love my job generally and I feel lucky with the clients/slaves I have got. Many of those I have known for years have become friends. Sometimes we argue as all friends do but as long as there is mutual respect we will remain as such for a long time. To sum up, I don’t mind putting off a few new people (As you have probably guessed!) and as I am not tied to an expensive place anymore I can whip and go as I please with whomever I please. And that feels great. XElizabeth Swan